More Than A Memory
by grissom07
Summary: GSR Story! There is only one chapter and it is very intense. It keeps you wondering until the end. SONG INSPIRED!


_This whole story is in Grissom's point of veiw. It is only one chapter. _

**More Than A Memory**

We tried so hard to find her. When we finally did it was too late. I loved her and I still do. She is the only person I have ever loved that much and now she is gone. We were together for two years. No one knew we were together until I accidentally spilled the secret while we were trying to find out where she was. I miss her.

_People say she's only in my head  
Gonna take time but I'll forget  
Say I need to get on with my life  
They don't realize_

We just had our first fit in two years a week before she disappeared. She was jealous of my friend Lady Heather. It took awhile for me to get through to her that me and Heather are only friends and that is all we ever have been. Catherine made her think I slept with Heather. I never did. I couldn't I was in love with Sara I just couldn't admit it to anyone.

_Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone  
Driving cross town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do at night, not fall asleep  
Cause you know she will be there in your dreams  
That's when she's more than a memory_

She's been gone about a month now and I can't sleep. I cling to her pillow at night. It still smells like her lavender shampoo. When I do get sleep it's usually from exestuation or after I have cried myself to sleep. I spent so many years trying to hide my feelings and trying to dine them that I wasted so much time we could've had together. I am so stupid. I could've been happy all those years. The past two years have been the best of my life. And now I feel like my life is over. I go to work and I work triples. Everyone says I'm different. The team has moved on but I can't. I miss her so much. Sometimes I get in my car and drive across town to where her apartment was. I can't help but wish that she was there and she wasn't gone forever. Every once in a while I find myself picking up my cell phone and dialing her number just to hang up.

I've called Jim and Catherine a couple times. Catherine has come over for breakfast a couple times. She's trying to get me to move on. I can't. Jim usually tells me everything will be fine. He tells me that some people take longer to grieve for a loved one.

_Took a match to everything she ever wrote  
Watched her words go up in smoke  
Tore all her pictures off the wall  
That ain't helping me at all_

I tend to find other things to do at night so then I don't have to go to my big empty bed. I take Bruno for walks. I've done several crosswords.

A week after she died I took down all the photographs that reminded me of her in my house. So there is no longer anything hanging on my walls. I repainted the walls white. I couldn't look at the colors anymore. They all reminded me of Sara.

_'Cause when you're talking out loud and nobody's there  
You look like hell and you just don't care  
You're drinking more than you ever drank  
And sinking down lower than you ever sank  
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees  
Praying to God, begging him "please"  
That's when she's more than a memory  
__She's more  
__She's more_

There have been a couple nights that I had off work and I drank so much scotch I passed out. There was one time I drank so much that I was passed out for so long that I missed half of my next shift before Brass came over and found me passed out on the couch.

I haven't prayed to God since I was a kid but there have been a couple times that I have just fallen to my knees crying praying to God to please bring her back to me. I need her so much in my life. I don't know how I keep going.

_Is when you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone  
Driving cross town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep  
She knows she's there in your dreams  
That's when she's more than a memory_

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat. I had dream about her. She's always in my dreams. She's in my daydreams. She's in the dreams I have at night when I finally get some sleep.

The other day Catherine came over for lunch. I started talking to Sara. Catherine told me it was all in my head. But I could've sworn Sara was right there in the kitchen with me. There are times I end up talking to myself, because I think she is there.

So now I sit here on our bed, my gun in hand, I've re-read the letter I've written several times. I lay the letter I wrote to my friends next to the one I wrote Sara on my sabbatical a couple months ago on the nightstand. I cry some more before I put the barrel of the gun to my chest, right above my broken heart. "I love you, Sara. And now I can join you in heaven and we can be together forever. Just like I promised. I love you so much," I whisper just before… **BANG**!

**_THE END_**

_The song is Garth Brooks's new song, "More Than A Memory". It was just released to radio today and I have heard it so many times. I am a huge Garth Brooks fan and I love this song. I was inspired by it. I don't think the song means a seperation of this extent but I wanted it to be dramatic. If Sara does not live I truely believe that Grissom will go down the hole. He will not be his self and may consider suicide. Let me know what you think._


End file.
